I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
