if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
