next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize