his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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