friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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