dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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