ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
