actually, I'm a sock model
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
