i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
