I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
