is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize