Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
