Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
