every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
