before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
