im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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