fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
