Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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