Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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