If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
