she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
