he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
