Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize