Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
