Where did you get a picture of my penis
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
