Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
