fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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