theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
