Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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