I'm going to jail i love you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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