I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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