just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
