we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
