i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
