Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
