she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
