well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
