We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
