I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
