You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
