Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
