That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
