my being single is dangerous.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
