What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
