Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
