I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
