every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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