OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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