Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
where are my eyebrows?
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