awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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