Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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