the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
