And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
