it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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