We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
