he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
