I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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