I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize