i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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