I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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