for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
