dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
