I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Randomize
