Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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