I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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