I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
