I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
