I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
