How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
