Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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