This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize