I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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