i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
