Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
