just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
