Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
