The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
