i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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