just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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