i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize