Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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