I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My vagina just clenched in fear
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
