Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
