Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im holly from the hills drunk
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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