i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
