Will you blow on my dice?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
