No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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