a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
