You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
