Moan for me like Helen Keller
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm really busy with my period
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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