I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
