Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
