Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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