Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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