Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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